missingiris (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} missingiris) wrote,@ 2007-08-31 14:57:00 |
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bare minimum
I have immense difficulty packing. emotional difficulty. it's not something i can do without breaking down and crying now and then. I have MUCH less to sort through than i have in the past, so this is easier, but i can't say its easy. Today i'm much less distractible and avoidant. Now that the hangover from this morning is gone, i'm starting to feel rejuvenated and i'm using this spurt of energy to get this stuff sorted out, like i should have done days ago.
Today i'm playing music to keep my mind off sentiments and attachment and confusion. And i'm taking a stern approach. It's kind of like playing an imaginary game. I pick something up and i say to myself 'so, if there was a fire and i had 5 minutes to grab everything, and the rest would be destroyed, would i grab this?' It helps. I mean, anyone can go on living without any of their things, but i sure would be heartbroken if i lost...say...my puff the magic dragon plush toy and sherbert the sheep.
I am sad though. I'm sad i can't take it all. Its silly the things i don't want to let go of, martini glasses, souvenirs from the liquor store, decorations. Nothing essential, nothing i can't replace. I like to own things. I am capable of living without things, but i can't say i'm not someone who doesn't like to have things. And living off two suitcases is hardly living. it isn't even two suitcases, its a suitcase and a half.
I'm sure whatever doesn't fit in those suitcases can be crammed into a couple of boxes for me to retrieve some day. there's never been a doubt about that. but this isn't how i like to live.
I have immense difficulty packing. emotional difficulty. it's not something i can do without breaking down and crying now and then. I have MUCH less to sort through than i have in the past, so this is easier, but i can't say its easy. Today i'm much less distractible and avoidant. Now that the hangover from this morning is gone, i'm starting to feel rejuvenated and i'm using this spurt of energy to get this stuff sorted out, like i should have done days ago.
Today i'm playing music to keep my mind off sentiments and attachment and confusion. And i'm taking a stern approach. It's kind of like playing an imaginary game. I pick something up and i say to myself 'so, if there was a fire and i had 5 minutes to grab everything, and the rest would be destroyed, would i grab this?' It helps. I mean, anyone can go on living without any of their things, but i sure would be heartbroken if i lost...say...my puff the magic dragon plush toy and sherbert the sheep.
I am sad though. I'm sad i can't take it all. Its silly the things i don't want to let go of, martini glasses, souvenirs from the liquor store, decorations. Nothing essential, nothing i can't replace. I like to own things. I am capable of living without things, but i can't say i'm not someone who doesn't like to have things. And living off two suitcases is hardly living. it isn't even two suitcases, its a suitcase and a half.
I'm sure whatever doesn't fit in those suitcases can be crammed into a couple of boxes for me to retrieve some day. there's never been a doubt about that. but this isn't how i like to live.
